


The Golden McDonald

by Calicornia



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Super Dangan Ronpa 2, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:22:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28948122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia
Summary: The singularity is coming and so is the Fake Texas Invasion. Only one man can stop it, and it's not Hajime.
Relationships: Lars Barriga/Pannacotta Fugo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	The Golden McDonald

The Golden McDonald

  
  


The year was 20McDonald. It was the future now, but also the past. What happened to the present you may ask? You should know. You’re living it. 

“It it done. My greatest creation has come to fruition. Ronaldo Fryman stood proudly, his arms thrown wide as he marveled at the sight before him. The air cracked and sizzled, filled with the acrid smell of the ancient grease that acted as the lifeblood to the beast. Fryman’s monster was alive and badabababa he was lovin’ it.”

The Golden McDonald cometh.

The Golden McDonald arose from his McCoffin, grease pouring out onto the floor, a mist arising from each drop that pattered onto the floor. His sunken McEyes locked onto his creator’s, a mad gaze that could lower the prices of any rival fast food place in an instant. He raised his palish, soggy hand and pointed a finger directly at Ronaldo.   
  
“Knowledge is knowing that Fryman is the scientist, wisdom is knowing that Fryman is the monster.”   
  
“Okay, boomer.” Ronaldo laughed, snapping pictures to send to Lars. “Just wait until Lars sees this!”   
  
“Dude, I’m right next to you.” Lars rolled his eyes, taking a bite from the leftover quarter pounder that wasn’t used in the creation of Ronaldo’s most recent experiment, “What exactly does this have to do with saving my husband from the Artificial Coochie Dungeon?”   
  
Ronaldo made the Dreamworks face

-It was the present now, or was it?-

Fugo paced back and forth in his stall. Every inch of this restroom was full of racist graffiti, but at least it was gender neutral. Everything was sticky. He wondered why but he knew better than to ask. The artificial coochie dungeon was a place he used to call home, but that was before they stopped being gluten free. After Shigaraki reused the first pizza it had all gone downhill from there.

Fugo couldn’t believe he’d been captured.

“I can’t believe I’ve been captured,” He muttered to himself against the wall, staring directly at a piece of graffiti that said ‘I hate Texas’. Fugo’s eye twitched, and he slammed his fist against the cold, porcelain wall of the gender neutral bathroom full of racist graffiti. Blood dripped down, smearing some of the filthy words written in crayola marker or pen. Tears that weren’t his fell into the muck he stood in.   
  
“Lars…” The swiss cheese boy choked on his own words, “Lars, I’m so, so sorry.”   
  
“Fugo Fucellati…” Shigaraki knocked on the iron door of Fugo’s stall, “Are you ready to come out now?”   
  
Fugo wiped away his tears, but not his blood. He had to be strong for Lars, he had to make things right. And to make things right, he has to be left sometimes. But also wrong. But also right. But also left. And sometimes center.

  
  


He took a deep breath through his nose and regretted it instantly. This bathroom hadn’t been cleaned in 4096 days. He put his hood up so that you knew he was “evil” now

“Yes, Master” Fugo said, bowing to the crusty man before him.

Shigaraki smiled, his lips cracking in several places. “Good. Follow me”

The two men walked out of the restroom and into an inter dimensional portal which led to the main entrance of the artificial coochie dungeon. Fugo shuddered at the sight.

The Fake Chuck E. Cheese loomed overhead, it’s rat mascot taunting the swiss cheese man with it’s glutenous sneer.  _ Rat bastard, you will regret the day you crossed Fugo Fucellati. _

Fugo entered the building.   
  
“Fugo has entered the building…” Shigarki said as both of them walked into the Fake Chuck E. Cheese. They both walked past the hundreds of animatronic Markipliers, all of them staring directly at Shigaraki. “Don’t worry, Fuccelatti… They’re harmless.”   
  
“I’m not afraid of Artificial Markipliers.” Fugo lied, he used to ask his mother, Mrs. Fuccellati, to check under his bed for Artificial Markipliers.   
  
Shigaraki chuckled.   
  
“I just chuckled…” Shigaraki opened the door to the secret cellar deep inside the Fake Chuck E Cheese’s pizza reusing station. Down the spiral staircase they went, to a dark basement with only one thing in it. A man in a straight jacket tied to a chair, reused pizza stuffing his mouth.   
  
“Bootleg Nick Cage…” Shigaraki approached the man, pulling the reused pizza out of his mouth, “So you think you can dance?”

We’ll return to your regularly scheduled programming after this commercial break. 

The Golden McDonald sped down the artificial freeway at 4096 miles per hour. Lars clutched the steering wheel, not because he was driving but because it was the only stable thing in the car. Ronaldo had neglected to include both seats and seatbelts in the design. Wrong move, Fryman. It’s click it or ticket. 

Officier Cloudy with a chance of put on your fucking seatbelt was hot on their tail. He could almost taste the grease that powered the giant burger. 

  
  


Ronald McDonald gripped his cheeseburger, blood dripping from his sneezeburger.   
  
“Enoby Dark’ness Dementia Anasui Abbacchio Raven Way…” He said as he coughed up McDonald’s Sauce. “You’re with THEM now?”   
  
Ebony Anasui chuckled, throwing the chaos emerald up and down as if it were a hackeysack without the sack. She flipped her emo bangs and tipped her hat.   
  
“You betcha, pardner.”   
  
Woody and Texas Y/N stood in shock, the fake Texas Invasion, led by a former clown? A goth one nonetheless?   
  
The Texas Invasion’s leader shimmied over to Ronald, gripping him by the collar, raising him up for all to see.   
  
“YEEEHAAAAW!” Ebony shouted, roundhouse kicking Ronald to the moon. Nobody clapped, not Hermes, not Anasui, not even Lee. Anasui shed a single tear, this isn’t what the fake Texan Invasion was supposed to be. How could it have come to this.

Ronald sputtered, secret sauce dripping from his lipstick ridden maw. The Texan’s grip was so deadly it had Ronald’s windpipe singing Guillotine.

The ferryman, Charon--but hot now, was approaching, sailing down the river Styx on a McDouble. Ronald could see it all. The past, the future, even Lee. 

But then, from the darkness, a familiar scarf approached.

Gundam has joined the battle. 

E

  
Texas Markiplier has also joined the battle, behind him the hundreds of other Artificial Markipliers that haunt the fake Chuck E Cheese.   
  
Ebony Anasui raised an eyebrow, making the Dreamworks face. She threw Ronald McDonald aside, into the KFC bucket. And began to do her ninja signs.   
  
“Tch. Foolish Texan mortal.” Gundam drew a summoning circle in the sand, “That’s not how you do kage bushin no jutsu!”   
  
Enoby Anasui chuckled, clasping the chaos emerald in one hand as she did the final ninja hand sign.   
  
“Foolish chuniibiyou!” The air around her turned bright green, “I’m doing texas chaos control no jutsu!”   
  
The thousands of Artificial Markipliers charged at the gothic Texan, all being teleported away by the sheer power emitting off of her emerald. Gundam felt a shock of emotional pain as he tried his best to focus on his summoning circle, tears that weren’t his fell out of his pockets. He had been saving those tears for just such an occasion. 

The salinous liquid slipped and slid across the ground, activated Gundam’s trap card. The summoning circle fortified with the special tears began to glow a violent blue.

“Now mortal, You will witness the true power of the supreme overlord of ice!” The bandages on Gundam’s arms began to unravel, revealing pink mustaches.

He slammed his hand into the ground and from his summoning circle arose a pumpkin patch. And from that pumpkin patch arose a tall looming figure.

“He!” Markiplier, the real one, arose holding a wiimote scortolini. He walked slowly towards Enoby Anasui, approaching her.   
  
“Oh, you’re approaching me?” She asked, switching the direction of her texas chaos control to focus directly on Markiplier.

“Hello Enoby, my name is Markiplier!” Markiplier waved his hand, parting the texas chaos control. “And today, we’re playing Five Nights at Freddies!”   
  
“I-I-Impossible!” Enoby jumped backwards, “Only someone with a chaos emerald could do that!”   
  
Markiplier grinned, holding up his special edition Five Nights at Freddies Chaos Emerald. The only special edition chaos emerald in France. He slipped on his pink mustache, and raised the jewel for all to see.

“CHAAAAAOS CONTROLLLLLLLLLL!” The emo girl screamed, blasting the moustachioed man with all the chaos energy that she possessed. It was futile. Markiplier’s diamond play button refracted the chaos energy, dissolving Enoby’s chaos emerald. 

Mark made the dreamworks face.

Without a word he activated his own chaos emerald and millions of Kakyoin’s rained down from the heavens, each one causing an emerald splash so devastating that there was no way that Enoby would financially recover from this. 

Gundam stood solemnly beside the discarded fast food mascot. Ronald’s grease was leaking. Gundam wasn’t sure there wasn’t any hope of repairing the damage done by the Texan. He lifted Ronald into his arms, brushing his bright red hair with his fingers.   
  
“Warlock of grease, unleash your speech onto me.” Gundam’s voice broke, “I can’t lose you…”   
  
Ronald McDonald pressed his hand against Gundam’s cheek, his makeup almost completely gone from all the blood, sweat and tears.   
  
“I’ll be okay, but I’m not so sure about them.”   
  
Gundam looked at his carnage, Kakyoins and artificial Markipliers forming a conga line. Enoby was nowhere to be found, and the real Markiplier and Bootleg Nick Cage were playing Patty Cake.

The Golden McDonald approached the chunnibiyou, eyes sad as could be.   
  
“Knowledge is knowing that the Golden McDonald is the monster, but wisdom is knowing that whoever made me walk uphill for three hours in the rain just to watch the Bee Movie is the real monster.”


End file.
